Aftercare is such a deeply personal thing with so many variables that it’s almost impossible to say exactly how to do aftercare for Locktober specifically. It is such an individual experience. However, I’m going to attempt to give a brief and broad overview of it with some suggestions on things you can do to care for yourself during Locktober.
Sometimes during or after play, people experience something called drop. If you’re new to kink, both aftercare and drop are things I highly recommend researching and learning about.
They’re both things that are relevant to people on either side of the slash. Tops and Dominants can experience drop and need aftercare too, so regardless of whether you’re a giver or a receiver, this is relevant to you.
The TL;DR is:
Drop can happen straight after a scene, a few hours later, or sometimes even the next day. You might feel sad, flat, tired, needy, emotional, irritable, or just a little bit weird and not really know why.
And sometimes you won’t experience it at all. I usually don’t, and it was only when I tried needle play for the first time that I did, and it hit me very hard. Luckily, I knew what to do to take care of myself.
Aftercare is basically the care that happens during or after play to help you come back down to reality, recover, and look after yourself after whatever you’ve just been doing.
Usually, it’s something that’s discussed and negotiated prior to a scene. Some people don’t want aftercare, some people prefer to do it alone, some people love caring for others after a scene, etc. It’s an endless list of possibilities because everyone is so unique, just as every experience is unique.
Some people also use orgasms as a coping mechanism for pain, stress, arousal, emotional regulation, etc. Taking orgasms away, especially for extended periods of time, can sometimes affect how you’re feeling emotionally. A month of no orgasms can really fuck someone up emotionally. Some people really don’t give one single fuck about orgasms and prefer not having orgasms. Again – everyone is different.
Maybe your lows feel a little bit lower, or maybe you’re just feeling a little bit grouchy. First things first, when you feel like that, please always make sure you’re covering the basics, to the best of your usual ability.
– Have you eaten?
– Have you slept?
– Are you hydrated?
– Have you moved your body?
– Are you in pain?
Sometimes there isn’t a complicated kink reason for why you feel awful. Sometimes you’re hungry, exhausted, dehydrated, sore, overwhelmed, or you’ve just had a shit day. And sometimes it might be a combination of all of those things plus the emotional intensity of what you’re doing. Either way, it’s extremely important to take the time to care for yourself when you need to.
As Locktober is essentially a month long scene, it only makes sense that aftercare might be needed during this period, rather than only once it’s over.
For anyone in a dynamic, you would discuss and negotiate what aftercare during the month looks like for both people. Sometimes life is life and your play partner might not be available. Perhaps they’re at work, asleep, busy, having their own difficult day, etc. Having your own aftercare kit ready so you can start taking care of yourself immediately is a massive bonus if your partner is temporarily unavailable.
Or maybe you’re doing Locktober solo or online, and having your own aftercare kit ready so you can start taking care of yourself immediately is a massive bonus.
Personally, I make content. I can’t be responsible for the care of every person that listens to my files beyond making content warnings and accurate blurbs, I absolutely cannot be available 24/7 to someone. My life just doesn’t fit that in. So I highly encourage people to have their own aftercare kit ready so they can start taking care of themselves immediately ♡
Your aftercare kit might look like:
Your favourite snacks or drinks, comfortable clothes, a blanket, a shower, a comfort movie or show, music, something nice to smell, a warm bath, a cosy blanket to cuddle, playing games online, or whatever else makes you feel safe, grounded and cared for.
I know a lot of people that prefer a debrief after a scene, whether that’s immediately after or later on. Sometimes it helps to actually sit with what you’re feeling and work out whether you’re horny, sad, frustrated, lonely, overstimulated, exhausted, or some horrible little combination of all of them.
Sometimes the care you give yourself during Locktober might be taking a day or two to yourself. No edging, no hypno, no porn, no D/s, no cages. Just resting.
Maybe you take the cage off for a while and let your body have a break. Have a shower, wash properly, dry off, put on some loose comfortable clothes and check your skin and make sure it’s healthy and happy.
Stretch your hips, thighs, lower back, pelvic area, or anywhere else you’ve been holding tension. Eat something proper. Drink some water. Have an early night.
Sometimes aftercare is literally just doing something completely non sexual for a few hours.
Put your phone down. Get outside. Go for a walk. Let your brain exist somewhere that isn’t chastity and denial for a little while.
Sometimes caring for yourself when denied might be writing in your journal. Or perhaps, if you’re someone that’s used orgasms as stress or pain relief, you might try to find other ways to get some of those same benefits without the orgasm.
You can also make the practical side of aftercare easier on yourself beforehand. Keep your emergency key somewhere accessible. Have whatever you use to clean yourself and your cage nearby. Keep comfortable clothes, water, snacks, skin care, or whatever else you tend to need somewhere easy to reach.
If you’re doing Locktober, I highly reccomend having a few things ready for when you need them. The less effort it takes to care for yourself when you’re already tired or overwhelmed, the better.
What is it that makes you feel better when you’re a bad day?
That is what belongs in your aftercare kit.
And when Locktober is actually over, give yourself a little bit of space to come out of it.
Be kind to yourself.
Be kind to your body.
Be kind to your mind.
